Durin brother drabbles
by smartass.under.the.mountain
Summary: A collection of drabbles about our favorite dwarf brothers
1. sticky situation

Fíli was determined to be the best fighter there ever was. At six years old these were big, but not impossible, dreams. And the only way to accomplish this was with practice.

"Practice," his mother told him many times, "is how we make things perfect...or as close as we can get." She would impart this encouragement to Fíli as he scribbled his runes. Learning to write was dull and not very important, Fíli thought. Being a great warrior was much more exciting. So he would have to practice. But how?

There were no children his age or size nearby to spar with. That only left...Kíli! Sure, he was a baby and couldn't do much beside crawl and cry and babble words that didn't make sense. But if anyone could teach him to play, it was Fíli.

Fíli bounded into the nursery and poked his head over the cradle."Kíli, my favorite little brother! Would you like to help train me?"

Kíli, who was slobbering on his balled up fists, cocked his dark head to the side.

"Feeee! Feeeeeee!"

"That means yes," Fíli decided. It also meant "Fíli" and "No" and "hungry," probably. A very eager big brother lifted the baby out of his bed and carried him into his room.

"Broooobahbah," Kíli cooed.

"I'm not sure what that means," Fíli responded, "but here." He handed Kíli a wooden sword, the smallest one he possessed (and Fíli had amassed quite a collection of toy weapons so far).

Kíli's fat little fingers could barely grip it. "Hold it like this," Fíli demonstrated. But Kíli only stared back, his brown eyes wide with wonder.

"See? Look." Fíli curled Kíli's hand around the hilt but he kept releasing his grip around it.

"Come on, Kíli, it's not that hard!"

"Mmmmm nnhhhmm," Kíli squirmed. He sunk his mouth down on the wood, leaving a small stream of spit trailing down.

"Ewww, you're not supposed to EAT it!"

Kíli was probably not the best sparring partner but Fíli was not going to give up. He had an idea - a brilliant one.

"Stay here," he ordered, as Kíli happily chomped away on the sword.

His mother was in the kitchen, but she didn't think anything of Fíli pulling a jar off the shelf. It didn't raise too much suspicion.

"What are you doing, dear?"

"I just want something to eat," he fibbed.

"Alright, but not too much. You don't want to spoil your supper."

"I won't, Mama."

"Feeeeee!" Kíli gurgled with merriment when his brother returned.

Fíli removed the lid off the honey jar. It was nice and sticky - this would work. He dunked the sword into the jar, then affixed it to Kíli's hand.

"Gahhhhbbbbb!"

It seemed to do the trick. Kíli was now wielding the weapon with the help of a little honey and Fíli's quick thinking.

"Great! Now we can start!" Fíli raised his own sword, ready to hone his skills and become the greatest dwarf fighter in Middle Earth.

"No, Kíli!"

Kíli discovered the honey, oh did he ever. Now his other hand was stuck on the sword as he reached his mouth over to the sticky mess.

"Goooooggbahhhh!" He squealed, the honey smearing all over his face. In his excitement, he knocked over the jar, sending a slow ooze of gold spreading across the floor.

"Nooo! Stop!"

But little Kíli had rolled backwards, right into the gooey puddle. His squeals of delight, and Fíli's protests, were making quite the racket.

"What in the world?" Their father stood in the doorway. His eyes darted back and forth between the both of them.

"Please don't be angry! I was only trying to play swords with Kíli."

"I'm not angry! This is the funniest thing I've seen, well, since yesterday!"

How could Fíli have already forgotten the mischief from yesterday? There was still mud splatters on the wall from it.

"Dís, come here. Look at what our boys did." He doubled over in laughter, trying to catch his breath.

"What now? I thought they were playing nicely."

"Oh, they were. But..."

"Fíli, why is that sword stuck to your brother, and why is there - my honey!"She rushed over and picked up Kíli, who was rolling around like a piglet in a mudpit.

Dís sighed and shook her head."I give up with all of you...children," she glared at her husband. Annoyed as she was, she couldn't help but laugh. In fact, they were all laughing except Fíli.

"Am...am I in trouble?" He bowed his blond head down, expecting the worse. "I just want to be a really good fighter, that's all. It was Kíli's fault, he doesn't listen."

"Now Fíli, there will be plenty of time to play when he's older," his father reassured him. "But until then, you're going to have to settle for sparring with me."

"Really!?"

"Of course, son. We can start right now-"

"After this is cleaned up," Dís interrupted.

Fíli and his father both groaned, staring at the mess around them. But the prospect of actual sword lessons brightened Fíli's spirits.

"Then you can fight until your heart's content. Now I need to give Kíli a bath," Dís announced as she pulled at the globs of honey in his hair.

"Feeeeeeee!"

He would probably love a bath, too. Everything was fun when you were a baby - and to Kíli, especially.

Sometimes things didn't go according to Fíli's plans. Sometimes they went better than expected.


	2. rainy days

Where does rain come from, Fíli?"

Kíli sat cross legged, chin resting in one hand while the other fiddled with a new bow. Unused. One that could not be played with indoors. He and Fíli were supposed to be outside right now, weapons in tow. Until the storm came and ruined their day.

"It comes from clouds. The clouds get so full they start leaking and then..." Fíli gestured dramatically, "...whoosh! Lots of rain."

"How does the water get in the clouds?"

"It...it's just there." Fíli didn't have all the answers. In fact, he hadn't thought about that before.

"Does thunder come from the clouds too? I only hear it when it's raining."

"No, no, that's from the giants."

"Giants?" Kíli gasped.

"Yes, they're made of stone and are bigger than the mountains and they make the thunder. The louder it is, the closer they are and-"

"Fíli!" A sudden bark from across the room interrupted his explanation. He didn't realize his uncle was listening. "There is no such thing. Don't feed your brother fanciful nonsense."

"But that's what my father told me," Fíli muttered under his breath.

"So where DOES thunder come from?" Kíli was growing impatient for an answer.

"I don't know," Fíli sighed, crestfallen.

The storm did not let up. Fíli and Kíli remained inside, morning turning to afternoon, and conspired about what they would do once the rain stopped.

"There's a flood," their mother updated them. "The river is overflowing and the ground will be soaked for days."

"Yay, MUD!" Kíli exclaimed, momentarily thrilled. Then he registered the part about a flood. "But when can we go out and play?"

"It's not safe to be outside now. Have a little patience, my darlings! It will stop soon."

"But when?"

No time soon, apparently. Water dripped from the ceiling. "Now it's raining INSIDE!" Kíli wailed. The brothers occupied their time by sticking pots under the leaks. They tried to make a game out of it, however, it wasn't much fun. "The clouds must be very full."

What a wasted day.

Later that night, the rhythmic splashing of water on metal pots kept them both awake. The rain was louder now. A clap of thunder shook the walls.

"Fíli!" Kíli squealed and hid his head under a blanket.

"It's just thunder." But it had startled Fíli, too.

"Fíli, are there really giants? Uncle said-"

"There ARE. I know it."

A louder boom rattled their beds. Or so it felt like.

"Then they're getting closer?!"

"They must be." Fíli jumped up and grabbed a small knife he kept by his pillow. It was rather dull, but it would do.

"Where are you going? It's nighttime!"

"I'm going to see the giants," Fíli threw on his cloak and boots.

"But aren't you afraid?"

"I'm not afraid of anything," he lied. "Are you coming with me or not?"

"Uh huh, I will. I want to see them too!"

"Good, you can hold the lantern."

The dim light wasn't helping much as they crept down the halls. They had to be as quiet as possible and that was rather difficult, especially for Kíli.

"We're almost there. Careful with that light! If it goes out, we'll never get back." Fíli began to have second thoughts about this excursion, but his curiosity outweighed his concern.

When they arrived at the entrance, a wall of water greeted them. "We have to go out there? But we'll get wet!" Kíli had second thoughts now, too.

"So? Come on!"

They trudged through the mud, through the pools of water, the wind stinging their faces. Aboom of thunder, louder now that they were outside, made them gasp. Then a flash of lightning lit the whole sky with a crack. Kíli jumped backwards and dropped the lantern. Everything went dark.

"What do we do? What do we do?!" Kíli didn't bother to hide how frightened he was.

"I...I can see a little bit," Fíli couldn't, but he didn't want Kíli to know that. He waited for more lightning to guide him.

They needed to turn back, but which way was it? If they walked one step in the wrong direction…

"Fíli, help!" Kíli was knee-deep in cold, rushing water. Fíli dragged him out, careful not to fall in himself.

Thunder roared even louder. "They're coming! Will they step on us?"

"No, just stay close!" Fíli wasn't sure how to get out of this mess. If only he had thought this through, instead of running blindly into the rain to prove a point. Amidst the storm, and Kíli's hysterics, he heard soggy footsteps.

The brothers were suddenly lifted off the ground by the backs of their cloaks. They screamed, kicked, flailed; Fíli grabbed for the knife in his pocket with no avail.

"Let us go!"

"What are you doing out here?!" Their uncle growled. He sloshed back across the flooded ground, a nephew under each arm.

"Of all the foolish, irresponsible…in the middle of the night, in a storm! Were you trying to get yourselves drowned?"

"We were going to see the giants!" Kíli sniffled.

"There are NO giants," he glared at Fíli, "I want an end to this nonsense. And I am disappointed in you for bringing your brother out here."

"He wanted to come! I didn't know that-"

"Stop, no more excuses. If I had not heard you leave, do you know what could have happened? Kíli, stop crying. Do NOT leave these halls at night again. Is that understood?"

"Yes, uncle."

"Dry yourselves off. Do not tell your mother about this. We don't want to upset her now, do we?"

"No, uncle."

He led them to their room and ordered them to bed.

Kíli shook the water from his hair like a drenched dog. "He's mad. We shouldn't have left."

"Maybe so, but he's not REALLY mad. He was just worried." Fíli was getting better at measuring his uncle's moods. He pulled off his boots and poured water out of them.

The door flung open. Their uncle dropped a pile of towels onto the bed with a sigh. "Goodnight."

They were warm, probably right off the hearth, and Fíli and Kíli wasted no time wrapping themselves in them. "See? He's not that angry."

Now dry and very sleepy, they crawled into bed. Kíli had at last stopped shivering and reflected on the night's events. "That wasn't very fun. But I wouldn't mind doing it again." He seemed to be developing a taste for danger, much to Fíli's dismay.

"And we didn't see any giants. Is uncle right, then? Are there none?"

Fíli lifted his head from his pillow and gave an impassioned assurance to Kíli, and himself.

"Just because you haven't seen something yet, doesn't mean it's not out there. You've never seen the lonely mountain before, but you know it's real, right? Same with a lot of other things. One day, we'll see it all."


	3. bedtime stories

"How long is Da going away for?"

"Not long, dear." Dís carefully twisted her son's golden hair into two neat braids on each side of his worried face.

"Longer than a day?"

"Yes, Fíli, but he will be back before you know it." Her younger son had now climbed up the side of the bed in determination and crawled over to his brother. "Kíli, you have your own bed, my love."

"No, big bed!"

"It's fine. He doesn't kick as much anymore. He can stay," Fíli conceded.

"Hi!" Kíli waved furiously in Fíli's face with both hands.

"Sweet little Kíli, may I braid your hair too?" Dís questioned with misplaced hope.

"NO!" He grabbed the top of his head for dear life.

"So strong willed, my baby!"

Fíli giggled; he knew better than to touch Kíli's hair. Any attempt would be met with fierce little teeth. He learned this the hard way.

"Can Da tell us a story?" Fíli pleaded.

"As soon as he's finished speaking to your uncle..."

At just the right moment, the boys' father poked his head into the room. "Did I hear a request?"

"Yes, please!"

"Pleeeeeeease!"

"I will leave you boys to it, then." Dís gave each son a kiss on the forehead. Kíli promptly wiped his away. "Oh, you!" She tickled him under his chin until he squealed.

Dís gave one more kiss to her husband as she passed him. "They stayed up for you, but they should really be asleep by now."

"I'll tire them out, don't worry," he winked.

"Goodnight, my darlings."

"Goodnight, Mama!" They cried back.

"Now, who wants to hear a story?"

"We do!"

Their father's stories were the best, even if they had dubious veracity. Uncle's stories were serious, usually about a big mountain he used to live in, and often ended with "and that's what happens to little dwarves who don't behave." But Da told tales about his giant pet eagle ("I can't show you him, he flew away on me") how he defeated a troll with only a pocket knife ("You can try when you're older, Fíli") and when he swam across the entire sea ("Why? Well, I just felt like taking a little swim!").

"Tell one about dragons. Or ghosts," Fíli liked to test his courage, even with bedtime stories.

"Errr, I don't want to scare little Kíli. Next time, son." He ruffled Fíli's hair, messing up those neat braids. "How about...did I ever tell you the one about the dwarf and the elf?"

"No, tell us, tell us!"

"Elfs," Kíli repeated, for no other reason than he liked the sound of the word.

"Alright," he rubbed his hands together and quickly thought of something on the fly. He had exhausted every story he knew ten times over with this nightly ritual. And they demanded new tales, all the time. Might as well give them a moral this time.

"There once was a dwarf and an elf. And the dwarf-"

"What did he look like?" Fíli asked.

"Oh, he had a great big beard and carried five axes."

Fíli's eyes widened. "What kind?"

"Double-edged."

Satisfied with that answer, Fíli settled his head back onto his pillow with a dreamy look.

"And the dwarf and the elf were preparing for winter."

"What's winter?" Kíli twisted his face in puzzlement.

"When it's cold," answered Fíli, "and there's snow."

"Ohhh," Kíli tried to remember the last time he saw winter. "I like snow."

"The dwarf stocked up on food and blankets and ale and everything one needs to prepare for such weather. The elf thought he could get everything later and could go hunt in a blizzard."

"Bizzzzard," said Kíli.

"And he laughed at the dwarf for being prepared! So winter comes around and it was a bad one."

"How bad?" Fíli demanded the details, always.

"Uh, the snow was higher than a horse! But the dwarf was safe in his mountain and had everything he needed. The elf, on the other hand, went looking for supplies. Because he thought he was stronger than nature. But he underestimated it."

Kíli, who had been burrowing under the blankets like a frenzied rodent, grabbed Fíli's foot. "You haves as many toes as me!"

"Good job at counting...but that tickles!" Fíli squirmed away, annoyed but accustomed to such acts of little brother mischief.

"Anyway, when the snow thawed, the dwarf left the mountain and he found that elf frozen solid."

"Did he hit him with his axe?" Fíli needed more excitement in this tale.

"What? No! We should pity the elf for not listening and thinking he was better than everyone else."

"Have you seen elfs?" Kíli asked.

"Yep, son. I have."

"Did you hit them with your axe?"

"My beard, Fíli! You are a bloodthirsty little thing. We only do that in self-defense, remember?"

"But then what did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Did Uncle hit them with an axe?"

"No, well, maybe he did. I don't know. Back to the story, now. The dwarf had the satisfaction of knowing he was right. So the lesson is-"

"A lesson?" Fíli interrupted in disgust. "Like when we have to learn boring things?"

"I don't like that," Kíli echoed.

"Naw, it ain't that kind of lesson! I'm telling you to always be prepared for anything."

"And don't trust elves." Fíli added.

"Yes, you are very right! See, look at all you learned tonight!"

"Was there a cow?" Kíli asked, bouncing with excitement.

"Why would there be a cow, son?"

"I like the cow," Kíli answered seriously. He said the most ridiculous things.

"Sure, there was a cow."

Kíli clapped in approval, then yawned. Not even the addition of a cow could hold his interest much longer.

Fíli nudged him. "Don't fall asleep yet, Kíli! We need to find out the end!"

"The end? Right, how does it end...how...ah, well the dwarf went back to the mountain and mined 100,000 of the finest gems ever seen."

"What color were they?" Fíli covered his mouth to hide his own yawn.

"All colors."

"What size?"

"Big ones."

"What-"

"Son, you are quite sly with your questions, trying to stay up as late as possible," he chuckled.

Caught, Fíli attempted to play innocent. "I was just wondering, that's all!"

"Your brother's already sound asleep. I think it's about time for you, too." Kíli was curled into a little ball, expelling muffled snores into Fíli's shoulder. His feet were already twitching, ready to kick at whatever visited him in his dreams. "I'll carry him back to his own bed-"

"No, no! If you move him away he'll cry."

"Very well. What a good brother you are." He lifted the blanket to cover them and brushed Kíli's hair away from his face, an action far less risky when Kíli was asleep.

"I'll already be gone when you wake, so I'm asking you now to mind your mother and keep an eye on your brother and be a good lad."

"I will! Can you tell us more stories when you get back?"

"Of course I will. I'll tell you about what I saw."

"All about it! And maybe...maybe you'll have presents for us?"

"I think I might have room to carry one or two back."

Fíli smiled at the prospect of more stories and presents and telling his father how responsible he had been.

"Goodnight, Fíli! May your dreams be filled with sharp pointy things, my little fighter!"

"Goodnight!"


	4. no one messes with fili

Of all of Kíli's many attributes, being observant is not among them. Once, it had taken him nearly two weeks to notice his brother had carved I AM A TROLL on his bow (in retaliation for a similarly offensive prank). But he never misses when Fíli sighs in that particular way; when he runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head and slumps his shoulders. Kíli knows.

He also knows never to ask "what's wrong?" because the answer is always "Nothing." How do you chase "nothing" away? This can be a challenge, for he unfortunately cannot read Fíli's mind. This time, however, he knows what's wrong. He witnessed it.

Kíli cannot pinpoint the exact moment it went downhill, but the end result was Fíli nearly slicing the trainer's arm off. The trainer in question, an unwelcome replacement while Dwalin is away, is a grizzled, battle scarred curmudgeon with a dirty gray beard down to the floor (it was almost an art, how he managed to maneuver around it). The way he shook it and bleated reminded Kíli of a goat. An angry one.A nasty piece of work, there was no way around it.

"Quit showin' off! You young ones, so full of yourselves, don't know how to do anything right!"

"Maybe you're just too slow," Fíli had muttered in frustration. But then Fíli's sword was nearly knocked from his hand, breaking his confidence and concentration.

"You think too much, you stubborn fool! Stop thinking and DO, damnit!"

Kíli received some verbal blows too, which he deflected with laughter or a furrowed brow, whichever was appropriate. He has thick skin towards less than kind words. Yet Fíli was not accustomed to criticism and insults (except from Kíli, and those are never serious) because he always gives his best.

It quickly slid from criticism to outright belligerence, probably because the old goat sensed it was wearing Fíli down. He was baiting him.

"You wouldn't last a blink's time in a real battle," he taunted. "Your bloodline must have been watered down somewhere...call yourself a Durin?!" Fíli was building up to a rage, his pride crushed to pieces.

"Don't worry about getting your pretty little head dirty! You won't keep it for long if you fight like this!"

"Who does he think he is? Fíli growled to Kíli. This anger was so rare, Kíli couldn't look away. He watched his brother transform into a beast, one that had been poked with one too many sticks.

The instructor and pupil lobbed insults and strikes back and forth, breaking unwritten rules of respect. Kíli enjoyed some of his brother's colorful barbs, and would definitely use "more wrinkled than a ram's arse" in the future.

It was taken too far. Kíli debated whether to step between them, but Fíli always said to fight your own battles and stay out of his. The last thing he needed was to make it worse.

"An embarrassment!" the old goat hooted. This was Fíli's breaking point, in hindsight, for there were few things worse to be called. Fíli charged harder, faster, with more vitriol, forgetting it was a spar. And that is how Fíli ended up almost slicing his provoker's arm off, only, not really - he left some inches to spare. But the way the old goat carried on about it, you would think he was permanently maimed.

"Wait till your uncle hears about what a hot-headed brat you are!" The damage was done. It wasn't fair, because that wasn't like Fíli at all. The only thing Kíli could do was calm him down and hope the old goat didn't hear Fíli call him a " moronic shit-beard." Even though he was one.

On the route home, Kíli breaks the silence. "Can't wait until Dwalin returns and we can lose this bastard."

No reply, as expected.

Witnessing a defeated Fíli was like watching a rain cloud block out the sun. Kíli knows what is bothering him most - that Thorin will soon learn of his misconduct.

"Come on, Feef," he tries to appeal to his brother's softer side, back from when they stood half as high as an ax handle.

"Don't call me that. We're no longer children, and this is not a game. I lost my temper, I lost control-"

"It wasn't your fault! It was justifiable!"

"Not for me. I don't get excuses," Fíli sighs.

"Wanna go to the forges?"

"No."

"How about we-

"Kíli, no."

"Do you wanna talk about-"

"NO."

Kíli shut his mouth, knowing full well now what Fíli is capable of.

"Don't be upset, Feef," he says aloud to no one, because Fíli has stomped away, probably looking for a solitary place to dwell on his failures and prepare for the lecture he will certainly get.

Kíli hates being subjected to sadness. Since it cannot be avoided, he tries to brighten the moods of those inflicted with gloom. Kíli has many talents, known and unknown, and this is one of his best.

"Mother, may I keep you company for a moment or two? I do love your company" Kíli stoops down to kiss her on the cheek, like she used to do for him before he grew so tall.

Dís is aware he is up to something. He usually is.

"As do I yours, Kíli dear. What brings you here at this time of day?"

He readies himself, finding ideal positioning for his soon to be pleading eyes.

"How about dinner with just the three of us tonight?"

"Why?" she eyes him with suspicion.

"Because we never do anymore! When Thorin's around, the conversation is…dull."

"And how do you suppose I go about uninviting your uncle?"

"I don't know, ask someone else to take him in for the evening. I'm sure he is a popular guest." He pouts, not only with his lower lip but with his eyes, and she cannot resist his dark eyelashes flashing in rapidity.

She throws up her hands. "Alright, fine, I'll make arrangements."

"I am the absolute luckiest, to have the greatest mother in the world!"

"Take it easy, Kíli," she laughs. "You don't have to resort to that."

"Nah, it's the truth! Oh, oh, can I ask one more thing, just a tiny thing…because you are so kind and wonderful…you know those little pie thingies,-" he swirls his finger around to gesture- "with the cream? And peaches?"

"But I thought you liked the apple ones-"

"No, no apples. The peach. Can you make those?Please? Pleeeease?"

"Yes, Kíli. Now shoo!" She playfully bats him away, "Before you get any more ideas...or strange requests."

"Thank you, you really are the best!"

It's hard to say no to Kíli, it's another one of his skills.

Fíli arrives for dinner, uncharacteristically late and understandably morose. Mothers notice these things, but Dís knows her eldest dislikes direct confrontations on such matters.

"How are you, Fíli? How was your tr-"

"Fíli did very well! I was seriously impressed. I have a lot to learn from him," Kíli interjects, mid-bite.

Fíli huffs at him for answering on his behalf. "Where's Thorin?" he asks with trepidation.

"He won't be joining us tonight, he had another engagement," Kíli answers for his mother now, and she stares at him, then Fíli, who hasn't lifted his head up since he arrived.

"It's just us!" Kíli smiles. Fíli should be relieved, he thinks, but he does not seem to be.

They continue on with small talk and news and about "all the eligible daughters who can't wait to meet you two."

"And what do you think of that, Fíli?" Dís encourages.

"He doesn't have a moment to get a word in, because dinner is so delicious! Right, Fíli? Too busy eating! Look, won't you have seconds? There's plenty left." There are only leftovers because Kíli filled his plate half way. "It's all yours!" Fíli begrudgingly reaches for more.

"Tell us more about those daughters, mother." Kíli steers the attention away with ease, just as dessert is brought out. "Oh, look! It's those pies you like, Fíli! I'm stuffed, I insist you have mine too."

Fíli shrugs. Normally they would be fighting over every last scrap. Kíli hopes his niceties aren't too forced, too obvious. But Fíli does enjoy the pies; Kíli spies him licking his fingers over the empty plate.

When there's not much left to say - or eat - Fíli excuses himself. Kíli helps clear the table, while scanning for bits of food that may have escaped consumption.

Dís corners him, hands on her hips. "What is troubling him?"

"Just having a bad day. He'll be fine," he does not want to draw attention to Fíli's plight. "I'm taking care of it."

Kíli's requests, his behavior, his refusal of dessert makes sense now. A swell of pride rises in her, to know he is looking after Fíli, because Fíli refuses to be looked after without a struggle.

"Good. Watch over him." She often tells that to each of her sons, but means it in different ways. "But whatever it is, I can't keep your uncle away for much longer."

That should have been enough to forget the day's events. Normally, it would have been. But he only prolonged the inevitable. There must be more he can do.

Kíli tracks down the old goat. It's getting late, but he doesn't care about disturbing him. It's all his fault, anyway.

"What'dya want?" He hollers. "This better be important."

"Uh, yes, it is. About my brother. I –"

"Oh, that one's a hazard! Lot of anger built up in him. Not healthy to explode like that. Not at all."

"He's not like that! He is very even-tempered and calm," Kíli defends. Unless something sets him off. Fíli does tend to hold everything in. It's one of his skills, although not a particularly good one.

"Always the quiet ones," he shakes his head, and his dirty gray beard swishes against the floor like a broom that's seen better days. "So what'dya want?"

"Have you spoken to my uncle yet?

"Haven't seen him all day."

"Alright, good, well…can you not tell him what happened?"

The old goat has an ugly laugh. "Listen here, I'm being compensated to give you lessons and report to-"

"I understand...but he has a lot of, you know, pressure on him and all. If you could just let this slide-"

His ugly laugh grows louder. "You have some nerve! Let it slide! HAA!"

Kíli sticks his foot against the door so it won't slam in his face.

"Please?" The old goat is immune to Kíli's charms, and it forces him to reevaluate his strategy. "I'm only looking out for him, please. He'll be miserable for days if Thorin-"

"Looking out for him? You're doing him a disservice! He NEEDS a good scoldin' and such!"

"But-"

"Pathetic, begging like a little dog! Spoiled and soft, that's what you are. Need to be straightened out. Both of you. But especially him. Might break some bad habits. He's promising but too rough. No polish and a bad attitude."

"That's not true! You don't know anything about him!"

"I say it as I see it. He's a grown lad, he can handle it."

Fíli could take it, but Kíli couldn't bear to see him in that state, over a matter so unfair.

"So what will you tell Thorin?" Kíli bites his tongue.

"Exactly what happened. Now get lost! The nerve of you!"

"How are you doing, Feef?"

"I told you to stop calling me that." He is still in a foul mood, and Kíli's mission is failing. But dealing with a still-defeated Fíli is enough to keep him on target.

"Tomorrow's a new day, Fee-Fíli," he corrects himself. "It'll be better. Hey, weren't those pies delicious? They're your favorite, right?"

A tiny hint of a smile forms underneath his mustache. "I'm not stupid, Kíli. I know that was your idea. And covering for me, and keeping Thorin away. Thanks for trying. Really, I do appreciate it. But the ax is going to fall." He shuts his door with a soft click, and Kíli is left more determined than before.

Trying is not good enough. Kíli is wide awake, thinking of a plan. There is only one thing he can do. Kíli smiles to himself, because he knows exactly what it is.

"Alright, pay attention you two rocks-for-brains. No outbursts today, understand?"

Fíli grits his teeth. The old goat takes pleasure in getting under his skin. Once you find weakness in others, you can use it against them. He knows Fíli's, and last night he learned Kíli's. It's one of his skills, and it's a dangerous one.

Fíli is already shaken as he struggles to redeem himself. But the old goat holds grudges and won't allow it. His ugly laugh returns each time he unnerves Fíli and causes him to slip up.

"I've seen halflings swing better than that! Why don't you just lie down and give up? It's gonna happen eventually!"

Kíli brought his bow today. He fiddles with it, points it to the sky, while Fíli is berated for the fun of it. Hearing that injustice only makes it easier. He waits for the perfect shot. He has one chance to fix this.

"And another thing, you stubborn little-"

Swoosh

In an instant, the dirty gray beard is pinned to a tree. After the shock wears off, and he realizes what happened, he roars at Kíli. The words spewing forth don't make much sense, but his fury can be heard for miles.

"Oops, I slipped! I'm SORRY, I'm so –"

"Useless! Absolutely useless!"

Fíli reluctantly attempts to remove him as he flails and spits.

"You damned fool! If you don't free me, I'll shove this arrow up your-"

Fíli backs away. It's not worth it. They try unsuccessfully to hide their laughter, because if anyone deserves to be stuck to a tree by their beard, it's this bastard.

Thorin hears all about the matter with Kíli. The event, retold in shouts and expletives, centers around how "that useless nephew of yours nearly shot my head off - almost killed me with his incompetence!"

Thorin learns nothing about Fíli's issues from the day before. That has been forgotten in light of the more harrowing arrow incident.

Kíli nods and pretends to look remorseful when he gets an earful about how reckless he is, but on the inside he is beaming. Whatever the disciplinary action will be - and it will be harsh - is a worthy sacrifice. It was for Fíli, after all.

The best news is that the old goat refuses to conduct any more dealings with "those damned fools," and thus they no longer have to deal with him. "Good riddance, shit-beard," Fíli says under his breath. "That's a good one," Kíli praises.

Fíli is back to normal, focused and jovial and cautioning Kíli once again. "You need to be more careful with that bow. You could have done real damage, not that I would have minded."

"I guess I just have slippery fingers. Want to go to the forges?"

"Sure!"

Fíli does not suspect it was intentional. He hasn't connected the pieces. But Kíli doesn't need credit for "rescuing" his brother. He made Fee happy again, and that's all that matters.


	5. strong stuff

Fili and Kili are inseparable. Thorin attempts to keep them apart. This is not a battle you can win, _Thorin_

There wasn't much else to do but stare at the sky.

Fíli tried to recall the names of the constellations he learned long ago. He squinted up at the bright clusters to make out the shapes. There was one that could be an ax, if he tilted his head just so. Or a chicken; that probably wasn't right.

Then he returned to wondering why he was sitting in the chilly night air, watching for...what exactly? Disturbances, he was told. Good training for a night watch. There had been "suspicious activity" outside the halls. Fíli was to report unusual occurrences but not pursue anything dangerous. But how could he tell when it was so damn dark out?

He had assumed Kíli would be there for company. "No. Just you. It builds character and you need to be separated once in awhile."

Thorin had spoken. Fíli was alone tonight.

He didn't mind solitude. He enjoyed it, on some occasions. It allowed him to think uninterrupted. But the long stretch of hours behind and ahead of him were dull. Passing time alone was a punishment. He wondered what he had done wrong to deserve it.

Fíli twirled a few knives around, making note of which ones to sharpen in the morning. He attempted to braid his hair in the dark, unsuccessfully. He unraveled a thread from his shirt, hummed to himself, and planned for tomorrow.

Until footsteps interrupted his thoughts. As they made their way to his post, his fingers grazed the hilt of the sword behind his shoulder.

"Hello, dear brother! Mind if I join you?"

"Idiot! Kíli, I could have killed you!" He slumped back down, relieved.

"With your aim? Unlikely." Kíli tossed a sack at him. "Here, thought you might be hungry."

"Is this an apology for sneaking up on me?" Fíli opened it, his mouth watering at the prospect of...

"Apples? Really? That's the best you could do?"

"Ah, ah, beggars and choosers and all that."

"Well, I thought you knew me better. I can't stand them."

Kíli swiped them back with a grin. "I'm aware. More for me!"

"You're not supposed to be here, you know."

"So? There's nothing worth my while going on. Might as well bust your-"

"I'm honored." Kíli took a seat next to his brother. "See anything interesting?"

"Not yet."

"Oh! You'll love this...you know what I heard this morning?" He rambled on between bites of an apple. Kíli loved to gossip.

Fíli dutifully listened, not particularly interested. "Did she, now?"

"Can you believe it? I didn't expect that myself! "I think it could-"

They perked up in synchronicity at a noise below them.

"What was that?"

Kíli leapt to his feet and moved toward the sound to investigate. Fíli pulled him back. "I'm supposed to be watching - not hunting for whatever it is."

"Then I'll just shoot an arrow towards it."

"Kíli, no! It could be just a dwarf out for a stroll."

"At this time of night? No, it must be something sinister. Let's find out and get it!"

"That is a really terrible idea."

"There's two of us, we can take on whatever it is. Easily!"

"You have a point." It was certainly tempting. Fíli was in desperate need of excitement. Just a little bit of danger.

"Say, if we defeat a threat to the good folks of Ered Luin, don't you want to be showered in praise? Ladies throwing themselves at your feet...songs sung in your honor...and think of all the free drinks!"

"I believe I already have all of those things" Fíli smirked.

"You wish. Let's go!"

"I'm not letting you go by yourself. I guess that means I have to."

"Yes, yes, you HAVE to! Come on!"

They crept down from their post, eager yet careful. The noise was sharper now, but it did not cease as they tread closer.

Fíli felt a tug on the back of his coat. He turned to see Kíli clutching it.

"If you'rescared, we can go back."

"I'm NOT scared! I'm making sure nothing grabs you away!"

"Nothing's going to-"

It was coming toward them, rustling. They drew their weapons, shoulder to shoulder. The glowing eyes reflected in the moonlight. Evil little eyes, full of spite and malice and-

"It...it's a goat!"

"Durin's beard! You've got to be kidding!"

Fíli lowered his swords and sighed in relief. "Shoo! Shoo, get out of here!" He chased it away while on the verge of a laughing fit. The goat sauntered away into the night.

"I was hoping for something more worthy of an arrow between the eyes," Kíli groaned.

"Ah well, it's good we weren't in any real danger, except-"

"We were too late to save the turnips!" Kíli kicked at the ruined vegetation the intruder left in its wake.

"Those poor, innocent vegetables," Fíli shook his head.

"Screw that, maybe I'll get some target practice in after all."

"Fíli! Kíli!" A familiar roar of disapproval stomped toward them.

"What are you doing out here?"

"We found your culprit - a stray goat. Been terrorizing the gardens. Should we take it prisoner and interrogate it further for information?" Fíli couldn't help but be sarcastic. Afterall, his night watch had been a waste.

Thorin did not find it funny.

"Kíli, I told you to stay away tonight, did I not?"

"Yes, but I couldn't have my brother attacked by wild goats and not be there to defend him! You should have seen his face, he wasterrified."

Fíli huffed.

"What I mean is, we are a team. We work better together. I'm able to counter Fíli's weaknesses and he offers, uh...moral support!"

Fíli gave him a little push. "Oh really? Who helped you off of that runaway pony, hmmm?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, because that never happened."

Thorin interrupted their banter, exasperated. "I have reasons for what I ask you to do. You cannot grow as individuals if you never part. I am not pleased about this disobedience."

They both hung their heads down as their uncle led them back in silence. That was how they knew when he was especially angry - the silence.

"Fíli," Thorin gestured him aside and sent Kíli back to his quarters.

"If he does this again, send him back. Understand?"

"Yes." He didn't understand at all. But he would do what he was told.

"He has to learn to take care of himself. And so do you."

"But I CAN take care of myself. And so what if Kíli is a little...dependent. I'll always be there for him."

"You think you capable of protecting yourself and your brother? You certainly are not capable of listening to my orders. Did I not tell you to avoid possible danger? And yet you head out to find it. I do not care if it is a warg or a goat, you will not act foolishly again."

Fíli didn't mind taking the fall for his brother, but felt it harsh to receive the brunt of Thorin's anger and disappointment. All because he was supposed to "know better." Perhaps Thorin had been worried about them. No, couldn't be. He was never worried about anything. Right?

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"I got you in trouble, didn't I?"

"Little bit."

"Sorry about that."

"Don't apologize. It was a stupid order. How can one dwarf be stronger than two? I'll never understand him."

"It's because you're not aswise," Kíli laughed.

"And you are?"

"Uh huh. I'm full of wisdom. One day, you might be too."

"You're full of something, but it's not wisdom."

"Someone sounds envious."

"Shut it. You don't know your arse from your elbow."

"Oh? Then kiss it."

"What, your elbow?"

Kíli threw an apple towards Fíli's head. He ducked slightly and let it bounce off the wall.

"Ha! And you tell me MY aim is bad."

"I meant to do that! I didn't want to knock you out or anything. Who could miss your big head?"

Two days later, in a display of fairness, it was Kíli's turn for a night watch. Alone. He was not afraid of danger or wandering livestock, only of the endless boredom he would face.

He spent much of his time trying to remember the tune to a bawdy song he heard in the tavern. That, and arranging his arrows on the ground to spell lewd words. Anything to amuse himself

He froze. Something was watching him. And it wasn't a goat.

"Psssst. Over here!" It whispered.

"Fíli! You fool!"

"It's my turn to get YOU in trouble, only this time we won't get caught."

Kíli smiled; he should have expected this.

"Did you bring me anything to eat?"

"Even better," Fíli pulled out a flask from his pocket and waved it with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Is that the strong stuff?"

"The strongest!"


	6. Counting Rams

Fíli...Fíli! Wake up!"

"Mmm bhrrrmmm" The sleeping dwarf turned onto his stomach and buried his face deeper into the pillow. An annoying insect was hovering over his ear. It sounded like it was buzzing his name.

"Fíli? Come on!"

More muffled, unintelligible mumbling answered back.

"You give me no choice then!"

Kíli tugged on his brother's mustache as if he was tolling a bell.

"Eww, it's wet! He wiped his hand on his leg in disgust. "You dreaming about chewing on a rope, by chance?"

Fíli swatted him away. "Huh? Wha-I'm up, I'm up! Stop! What...what's happened?"

"Nothing. Except you're going to be in trouble if you don't get up...five minutes ago."

"Hmmmph."

"I'm serious!" He was never serious. It was hard to convince Fíli he was this time.

"You don't need to pull my hair out," Fíli stroked both braids to assess the damage.

"I wanted to ease you gently into the morning. Remember what happened last time? You grabbed for your little nighttime knife under the mattress and nearly gutted me! Your own brother!"

"I THOUGHT I was being attacked!"

"And I learned my lesson! Now I play it safe."

"So what's all this about? Does it require getting dressed?"

"We have to lookpresentable." Kíli grinned to himself at the role reversal. For once, HE was being the responsible one.

Fíli groaned and squirmed out of the tangled blankets, strands of hair still stuck to his lips. How did Kíli always have so much energy? Up at dawn, every day. The only thing that rendered him powerless against the morning was a night of (very) heavy revelry. And he still recovered quicker than Fíli ever could.

"What's this about?" Fíli asked again. He couldn't remember whether Kíli answered already. He was too preoccupied with rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Some meeting with important dwarves." Kíli shrugged. Details weren't important to him.

"Who?"

"Uh, representatives."

"From?"

"Three, maybe four kingdoms. You expect me to remember?"

"What about my breakfast?"

"There's no time!"

"Gahhh! Can it get any worse?" Fíli shook his fist.

"Yes. Thorin will kill you if you don't get ready. NOW." He tossed Fíli a rumpled pair of trousers from the floor. Kíli could get used to this responsible brother job - maybe. Maybe not. It was exhausting. How did Fíli do it?

"Ooh, you are soooo slow!" He taunted as Fíli struggled with which leg went where.

"Kíli…." It was a warning growl.

Kíli laughed, undaunted by empty threats. His laughter was usually contagious but not now - now it was obnoxious.

"Grumpy, aren't we?"

Fíli shook his hair and sent a couple of beads scattering to the floor with a clangorous TING.

"Aw, come on..." "No time to fix your hair, brother, this isn't a damned fancy ball."

"Just one braid? You said we have to look presentable."

"Yes, MY kind of presentable. Got your boots on? Then you're fine."

Fíli ignored him and brushed through his locks with his fingers but the tangles made it near impossible.

"Ow! Ow!"

"Don't worry, you lookbeautiful. You'll be the prettiest dwarf in the room!"

"You're going to get it," snapped Fíli as he peeked through his curtains of frazzled, knotted gold.

"Who are you trying to impress, anyway? It's going to be a bunch of saggy old blowhards with crumbs in their beards. No girls there." He raised an eyebrow.

"Did you expect there to be?"

"Would you move faster if I told you there were?"

"Yes, so much faster," Fíli rolled his eyes.

"Would you move faster if they were there to view your...sword?"

Fíli sighed alongside Kíli's idiotic giggling.

"Hurry up! They want to handle your sword, Fíli! They want to-"

"Kíli! For Mahal's sake! I swear, if you don't shut up-"

"I'm just joking around!"

"Not in the mood."

"That's why it's fun!"

Fíli dragged his feet down the corridors. "I hate mornings," he grumbled.

"It's not morning anymore, it's nearly midday!"

"If I ran things, there would be no engagements this early."

"How about none at all? Could you do that? Maybe keep it in mind? Because I really don't want to be there either. Especially if you're going to be such a cheerful ray of sunshine."

"Don't talk to me for the next 10 minutes."

"Ahhh! I've never felt soawake!"

"Kíli...you are really getting on my-"

"Thorin might set up a curfew for you! In bed by 8. Is that enough sleep? Or maybe you need designated nap times?"

"Oh, grow a beard."

"That's low. Even for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Uh, that you're low to the ground..."

"Yes? Huh?"

"It means too bad you can't grow a few more inches!"

Fíli chose not to waste another breath rebutting him - it wasn't worth it. Kíli would just keep going on and on until he thought he won.

When they finally reached Thorin, they were met with an unforgiving glare. Yes, they were late, and Fíli's tunic was inside out, but he was there, and that's what mattered.

"We have a reputation to uphold in this kingdom. We have duties. We haveschedules," Thorin glanced at his younger nephew.

"It wasn't me this time! Kíli griped.

"Fíli," Thorin sighed in disappointment, "you're usually so reliable."

"Only after noon," laughed Kíli, until Fíli discreetly elbowed him in the ribs.

"We cannot keep them waiting any longer, let's go."

"Do we have to do anything?" Kíli asked.

"Pay attention. If you have any insight, I would like you to share your opinions."

Kíli snorted. Fíli didn't even know what this meeting was about. And it didn't matter much - very few topics would keep him interested now.

"Securing trade routes is the key to success!"

"The east is such a strategic piece of-"

"Shall we discuss the old laws or the new ones?"

It was painfully boring. Fíli gave up feigning attention and his mind drifted to his warm, soft bed. The down pillows he sank into. The furs that tickled his nose when he pulled them over his face….

"There are many intricacies and we need to differentiate between the useful-"

"Of course, the number of roads play a part in-"

"Outrageous! What kind of solution is that?"

Fíli's head nodded and bobbed like it had a life of its own. If he rested his chin down, covered his face a bit with his hair, maybe no one would notice….

"Calm down, I'm merely making a suggestion!"

"We can sort out the particulars-"

"Better patrolled roads would benefit all but-"

Stay awake Fíli, stay awake...

"No one follows the law, we need to-"

"Raise the prices! There you go, problem solved!"

A kick woke Fíli with a jolt. Through half-closed, groggy eyes he discovered the room staring at him, some stern, others holding back laughter. Kíli had been wrong - there were representatives from FIVE dwarf kingdoms in attendance.

"We put you to sleep, lad?" one of them hollered.

"Too dull for you,your highness?"

Fíli's face grew hotter than dragon fire and he wanted nothing more than to slump down and hide. How embarrassing. What a fine heir he made.

"S-sorry," he muttered. Thorin silently reprimanded him from across the table.

Kíli, after a few moments of hard thinking, rose from his seat with purpose.

"You shouldn't laugh or shame him! My brother was up late...patrolling...patrolling the grounds for...wargs?...and...and things...of that nature. So you should be thankful he kept us all safe."

Satisfied with his quick thinking, Kíli then got ahead of himself, as was his nature.

"There would have been, uh, an attack if not for Fíli's brave conduct. Why, within one hour he took down eight of-"

Thorin narrowed his eyes at him and Kíli quickly shut up and returned to his seat.

A couple of dwarves cleared their throats and nodded. Someone chuckled. One grunted.

"The trade laws need to be revised. That's the only way we can-"

"Shove it! That's the worst idea I've ever heard!"

They resumed their arguments. Thorin's attention was drawn away. Fíli mouthed a "thank you" to Kíli, which was returned with a rude hand gesture and a smile.

Afterwards, when the visiting dwarves had ended their arguments and disbursed, Fíli poured out his gratitude.

"Thank you for covering for me. Really, you didn't have to."

"Aw, it was the least I could do after all the shit I gave you this morning. And you do the same for be on a daily basis, so-"

"Do you think they bought it? That story you came up with?"

"Who knows? Who cares? They'll forget about it soon enough, if they haven't already. They're more likely to remember Thorin's little tirade instead, not you dozing off."

Maybe Kíli was right, for a rare instance. What did it matter? They couldn't expect him to be perfect.

"Or maybe they will remember the sight of you...slobbering," he pointed to a wet stain on Fíli's chest. "How disgusting. Shall I bring you a bib next time?"

Fíli shoved him with the utmost affection.

"What!? Everyone does embarrassing things!"

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

"Very funny. So what are you up to for the rest of the day, now that we arefree?"

Fíli yawned and stretched his arms. "A nap sounds nice."


End file.
